Elina's Musing on her death
Damn Whippersnapper

Well, I’m dead. It finally happened, and I have achieved my goal of not dying peacefully in my sleep.

So my day started as everyday has from when I joined this band of Misfits. We blew something up, completely and utterly destroyed it. The Necromancer’s castle Is gone, and in hindsight we probably shouldn’t have done that.

After a long nap, which I managed to wake up from, we told a bunch of gnomes to wait for us while we went to finish off whatever was left under the pile of rubble we had created. My old colleague, Lysbick or whatever her name was, I’m finding it hard to remember names very well these days, told us the gnomes were starving and wouldn’t last the day or so it would take us to return, so I handed them my kitten sweater and let them go at it, the Barbarian didn’t seem very pleased at this, but hey, they were starving.

As of course, the castle was a pile of rubble, we looked down into the valley to find an entrance to the caverns below, and we saw an old mineshaft. So I decided to try out a new spell I hand just learnt from that lovely young chap, Gandolf was his name? Anyway we jumped off the bridge above the gorge and I stopped us with this neat spell, Feather fall, the barbarian starting freaking out, what a wuss, she thought she was dead or something, hmph I’ll show her what being dead is like.

Anywhoo, I decided to play a trick on this silly Barbarian whippersnapper, so I hid inside her gigantic backpack, and let her carry me around for the afternoon. Of course while I was inside I didn’t get to see much of where we were going, but I did get a chance to inspect all of this lady’s junk.

Wasn’t much of anything interesting, apart from one little potion which I hid away in my little stash for later, and left the Barbarian a surprise. I did however try some wine I found. This was a bad idea, and seems to have led to where I am now. Being dead.

I have never had a very strong tolerance for drink, and this time was no different, I hurled and was promptly discovered by, what was her name, Samwise? I thought, very well, I’ve had my fun, games over, but then she started yelling at me, what a disrespectful youngster.
Next thing I know I wake up in the strong arms of that handsome young man, that crazy whippersnapper had attacked me, Me! My word the youth of today.

So I responded in the way we were taught back in my youth, a lightning bolt to the face usually sorted things out, although it didn’t go my way very well, and that is why I am here. Dead.

I’m sure I won’t be here for long though. That nice young wizard will soon have me back, but In the meantime I think I’ll do some knitting.
Elina the Feeble

Candybal Holocaust
Misfits Dark

This session was an Everett setting with a Dominic twist. The players took camp for the night in a forest on the outskirts of the Dragon Spine. Rudely awoken by plague-ridden Owlbears combat ensued and the party emerged victorious.

However, all was not what it seemed. Revealing herself to the players an evil Druid, who in a previous adventure had been concocting a variant of the Necromancer’s Plague, summoned further zombified Owlbears and surrounded the party.

The elderly Druid threw a mysterious flask of grey gas into their midst forcing them into a deep slumber. Caran (James), fought to keep his eyes open witnessing the Druid’s surprise as she was attacked by a White Wraith.

Unbeknownst to them the players this gas and their recent exposure to the plague began to transform them into zombies. The necromancy, druidic and divine powers plague intermingled in strange ways. The minds of the party broke down. Upon awakening they rationalised the world around them as food. Driven by madness and hunger the party fought to keep their humanity.

Awakening in a strange, yet eerily familiar land, made entirely of deliciousness. The party found themselves in a swarm of mindless food goods. Realising their teammates were missing; Tiny (Yasmin) and Gandalf (Hamish), the party searched the area finding evidence of battle and a new companion Istria (Anna).

A mysterious gathering of personified Cupcake warriors charged the party and surrounding swarm. Then stepping out of the Fungi Forest Drunk Steve appeared. The embodiment of a bier boot he used spells fueled by amber ale to subdue the Cupcake’s. Steve relayed the story of the Muffin Man, head of the cupcake soldiers and key to the madness around them. The Muffin Man was said to live at the peak of Candy Canyon in Cupcake Keep.

At this exact moment a Terrifying Truffle, a monstrous beast with a mouth-watering aromatic smell, emerged from the forest around.
Steve urged the party onwards promising to catch up as soon as he could. Battling the foul, delicious beast giving the players time to escape.

As they turned to leave Steve threw the players his bottled essence citing that his powers could aid the players in the journey to come. Aiding them in keeping their humanity as best he could.

The party journeyed through the forest on foot until the party Druid transformed into a magnificent carved Pineapple giant eagle. Alighting on the eagle’s back the party set off. Escaping the dangers of the Fungi Forest the party soared over a Button Mushroom Boar and other sights delicious and depraved.

The party seeing danger in the form of a black licorice dragon in the skies decided to continue their journey to Candy Canyon on foot. The party landed in a village that had recently seen battle or something worse. Roast vegetable houses broken and burnt, a beautiful Sunday Roast village in ashes.

Finding a watermelon cart, a cart made from watermelon husks, overturned they saw a Carrot lay underneath. Turning gnawed and long gone. Lia (Sarah) was overwhelmed with hunger and the party found themselves unable to stop her. The carrot was seasoned too perfection.

Investigating the nearby houses they saw signs of struggle. Inside one home they found a lone baby Beetroot of six summers age. Unable to communicate with the Beetroot and frightening it further a dark hunger gripped Caran (James). He resisted and retreated.

The party left the village shocked once again flying on the back of the tropical druid. Reaching the pass in Candy Canyon they saw menacing cream shapes in the skies ahead. Haricot Harpies flew through the air ahead their nests littering the peaks. Dried bean throats unleashed devastating screeches which echoed through the valley.

Deciding stealth the party once again continued on land averting a dangerous foe. They came across a pastry barricade blocking the way and a nimble hard glass raspberry candy lept nimbly over the barricade. Tying off her licorice rope on a massive pretsel and threw it to the party waiting on the other side.

The party marched valiantly onwards and came to fork in the road. Left or right, discerning safety to the left Lia lead the party to a manicured woods with a clearing where they rested. On the path ahead of them lay a sturdy candy township. The walls tumbled and blackened. It looked like they had been visited by the licorice dragon and nightmarish sherbet fire.

Entering the town they found it abandoned, journeying inwards the candy got more opulent and expensive. A vast wall blocked the main road, built hastily barring path to someone or something.

The party soon realised that the toast wall topped with hard candy spiked would be dangerous climbing and opted for a safety route through the alleyways in the town.

Fighting through wreckage and smog they found themselves in a weathly sector of sweets of the high calibre. Choosing to stay the night they choose a fine mansion to sleep in carved in the rock candy mountain.

Entering the home they found servant two chocolate frogs greeting them, frightened. Unable to communicate with them and feeling a mighty hunger they found rooms for the night with haste.

When morning came the party found themselves barricaded in by the servants. Furniture and food pushed against their bedroom doors, blocking their path. Thankfully the mansion had a balcony where the parties met and planned the next leg of their adventure.

Something had been bugging the team, their hunger, being unable to communicate with others and bizarre world around them. Caran (James) pieced together the puzzle. “We’re zombies” he announced the party. Dismay and denial covered their features but the party knew the truth.

A sound in the square below drew their eye a family of cranberries rushing to safety after from pottles of berry yoghurt, their expressions a blank mask. Zombies! Thankfully Drunk Steve emerged and aided the family, allowing them to escape.

Drunk Steve gestured to the party. Having known the horrifying truth the time he explained that he had been trying to counteract the plague in their systems but they must find the Muffin Man.

Sending the party forth with directions and all due haste the party crossed the town coming across a factory and the entrance to a mine. The burnt husk would be dangerous to traverse but it was the fastest route possible.

The party almost met a terrible end plummeting into the mine below but quick thinking, a shrimpanzee and mettle saved their skin.

Below them gapes the chilling mine, it’s maw inviting but what route will they take?

Tune in next time!

The Excellent Adentures of Simi, Laxus, and Toziver

The sun rose over Fortree Commune. Our heroes got up and began their daily activities. Toziver’s pigeon had arrived back from the citadel with information about a strange symbol belonging to the fat man who was in charge of an ambush that our heroes came across while looking for a place to set up our refugee camp. One of the villagers came forth and informed us that a peasant is requesting aid from just outside the forest. Laxus went and grabbed The Rabbi before heading out to meet this stranger. On encountering him he appeared sickly, Laxuz ordered him to wait there while he went back to get help from Dustan. Simi and Toziver decided to follow to check this stranger out as well. After arriving they found that the stranger had died. Weary that he had come into contact with the plague from the citadel they burnt his body straight away. They then proceeded to question the farmer who had been keeping watch over the stranger and found out he’d come into contact with him. Not wanting to bring the plague into the village they ordered the farmer to go camp in the ruins not far from the camp until they could be sure he did not have the disease.

After a quick discussion and advice from Dustan the group decided to head out towards the North to visit the Stone Men and get information about the Adviser, Resistance and the Necromancer. Simi, Laxus, and Toziver headed out at sun rise, along the boarder of the forest towards the North. Everything had been going smoothly so our heroes stopped and camped for the night, each taking turns on watch. As the night was drawing to a clothes Laxuz saw a hoard of dark shadows in the sky with a few bolts of fire appearing around them. Not thinking much of it he didn’t mention anything and the group headed off in the morning unaffected. After a few hours of travel they felt a huge rumbling coming from the forest. Toziver cast a spell to hide the group when they saw a huge fish bowl coming out of the trees straight towards them/ Laxus was the first to move away to higher ground and when Simi realised that it was ignoring him and still coming towards them hidden under the spell she proceeded to move further away as well. Toziver however stayed where he was as the Bowl came closer and closer he used mage hand to lift a magical acidic slime towards the bowl to try melt through it. While it affected it it didn’t do enough damage to break through. The bowl kept moving closer to Toziver until it jumped right on top of him. Toziver moved the slime further into the bowl slowly burning through it more. Simi cast Shatter against it to try break it. Unfortunately it also hit Toziver and then magically the spell bounced right off the bowl at Toziver doing double damage to him. Toziver kept trying to push the slime through the bowl, Simi attemped to cast wall of fire around it which it managed to reflect as well. The acid came at Simi crushing her under its weight. Toziver stabbed it with his dagger creating a huge crack over it finally doing some actual damage to it. Simi used dimension door to teleport over to Laxus and away from the bowl. Laxus still up on a hill threw a rock at the bowl making the crack a little bigger. The bowl made its way back towards Toziver and attacked him again. He then forced the slime the rest of the way through the bowl destroying it as all the water slowly poured out. The group decided to smash up the bowl and take it to make into armour or for other uses as it was still reflecting magic.

The group set up camp and after few hours they suddenly heard this weird chanting Simi climbed up a tree to get a better view and see what was going on. She saw that a bunch of lanterns had appeared and lead to a tent she informed Toz and Laxus who went to investigate. Laxus marched right into the tent and questioned the people inside, who asked if anyone would challenged the leader to an arm wrestle. Laxus, uninterested walked out and asked if Simi or Toz wanted to give it a go. Simi jumped out of her tree and came running at the opportunity. Marching in she joined this huge bulking man at a table, she sat down without a care in the world. “I invoke the tides of chaos! May the odds be ever in your favour,” she winked before casting bend luck to sway things her way. Winning the arm wrestle the great warrior bestowed upon her a bracelet of strength. Thanking the man the group set off on their way.

They camped for the night before heading off the next day. After a while of walking they came across a city that appeared to have been recently burnt down. They searched the buildings, Simi recognised the writing on the doors to be elvish but could not translate it. They searched the village but couldn’t find anyone until they came to the town hall, which was filled with dead bodies. Angered Laxus started desperately searching for any survivors they followed some fresh footprints up mountain where they came across a cabin. Laxus walked straight to the front door and gave a loud knock, it was answered by a fat jolly man dressed all in red.

Found the castle!
"The mountain is in a castle..."

Brock managed to charge his way into a village full of zombies, which just kept coming. They were strong. We held up pretty well, but a fireball and a few bad hits later Hunter and Brock started falling. Then Brock cast some magic and the spell knocked him down. Bad gamble. Looks bad.

Sam and I held up pretty well in the end, for Tymora smiled upon us. Using survivor’s rights, we looted their gear and moved on. Sam went elsewhere and I decided to press forward. The Necromancer is only one man, right?

Came across a halfling and another human battling their way through another group of zombies. Weird. After helping them out we decided that there is strength in numbers and moved forward together to defeat the Necromancer.

Passing through a couple of abandoned villages we rested in a furnished hut, with a map! Using this map we found where the Necromancer lived: in a castle in the mountains. Moving forward we saw a village from the distance with more zombies. Nope.

The journey up the mountain was cut short. It was too cold and he didn’t have the gear for it. Decided to go to the village with the zombies. There were demons and the mouth-y thing again. Everything died. Found a small house where a few gnomes locked themselves in. They told us the Necromancer was a really old gnome who walked through town, before starting killing people. We told them we were here to defeat the Necromancer, but needed warmer clothing. They showed us the place to get some, and we left soon after.

The mountains were rough, cold and full of zombies. We managed to carefully get through them before reaching the castle. And so it begins. Lets kill this nerd.

So Big Bertha is running a resistance now
Choice is made: To Kill a Necromancer

So something happened and the resistance is no more. A few people died apparently. Brock didn’t go all paladin and try to kill Big Bertha, so that’s good. She called in the debt and I was expected to go complete a few tasks, which is fine. So the choices were:

  • Kill a necromancer
  • Find a special ship
  • Destroy some crystals in the capital
  • Leave and don’t come back

So the last one is not an option for me – because debt. I don’t have the tools to destroy crystals, so that’s not a thing. So its either to find a ship or kill a necromancer. So I always want to kill a wizard. Like to see that damn nerd defend himself from the blade. Ended up with Brock, Hunter and Sam (and can’t forget Bacon the mount who is a giant pig). Left Big Bertha’s and purchased some gear.

Got access to some discounts on the gear to prepare for the journey. Went through the smith’s, alchemists, arcanist’s, and tailors before using the stables to buy a horse before leaving the Capital. My purchases included:

  • 1 dagger
  • 2 javelins
  • Platemail (through trading off runed shortsword and Brock’s elven dagger)
  • Caltrops
  • 2 potions of healing
  • Enchanted 5 pieces of obsidian to melt into lava (triggered through saying, ‘wrath’ in undercommon
  • 5 glass bottles to store the obsidian safely
  • Side modifications for greaves to sheathe daggers

Left the Capital and tried to find an estate, because fancy wizards working for the Advisor surely have fancy places to live in. As we moved closer towards the area it was covered with a thick fog. Managed to come across a family who was fleeing from a village which was overrun with undead. Brock managed to track his way there, and so the purge started.

The fog is too thick. Can’t see where we are going, or even see if we are even heading towards the right direction.

Season Finale: Shit went down
Playing two characters in hard...

So we recuperated from the weird coin fire, protected the queen, and decided to go the long way round.
We came along a bridge which was heavily infested with enemies(?). Denver tried to be stealthy, which immediately failed. So he decided to play dumb, which I will admit he was good at, but I think the weird wizard thing got frustrated with him and ordered to have him kill. This in turn basically forced us to have to fight close to 20 enemies. Caran was good support, Denver dealt damage, Yin I think did stuff, and Robin Hood is still dreamy.
The gem phone thing kinda when crazy too. Don’t know why.
Anyway, most of the enemies ran away. Yin cast feign death on the queen. We found a nice spot to rest where all the trees were cut down. 8 people in a bubble, the rest scouting. Yin and I discussed the phone. I began to get suspicious on Robin Hood.
In the morning there was some blacksmith who claimed to be a wanderer but obviously wasn’t. We made him spill the beans and he pulled out a letter that claimed that some was on the queens side. He doesn’t know we have the queen though. We shewed him away.
4 hours later we are at ruins of a town with a lone tavern. The phone is beeping annoyingly fast now. Yin, Robin Hood, Caran, The “dead” Queen and I consult inside about how to make a portal.
There was some weird black mixture with stars in it. Yin suggested we drink it. I worked out it should just be drawn on the wall with.
We discussed weather to go through or not. Yin, Robin Hood, Caran, The “dead” Queen, and I went through and found burning building and a lot of dead people. There were also some other people who looked like adventures. Oh, and the pompous fell through a portal.
Then shit went down. This Gareth guy who we had been talking to all this time died. And some blue chick was apparently good but being forced to work for the clearly evil adviser.
Stuff happened and no one cared that I was carrying what looked like a dead royal woman…

Solo'd a Dragon!
Oh, and we met the queen too

Well the paladin walked off into the sunrise. Off a mountain… Yup.

The sunrise was beautiful and being the sun it was a welcome sight because that night time trek up the mountain was a bad idea on my end. Received a message from a magical stone to meet up with ‘merry men’ in green tights. Stuff was getting weird.

One of the twins almost died because she tried to walk a tightrope across the gap. Eventually climbed our way up the wall and realised there was a dragon who resided in the place. Running became a good idea.

Ran for a while before deciding to camp for the day. Managed to almost get a good day’s rest in before one of the twins (weird f***ers) woke me up to people running past our magic bubble (we had one of those). And a dragon. Black one. With red. Luckily we managed to scrounge up enough time for me to armour up and prep to run like hell away from the area. Twins were slow (felt like they had to chat and argue about random nonsensical stuff). I ran for a shiny new halberd (found it was platinum) and ran like I stole it.

Waded through a stream for a bit before making it to a clearing. I almost made it to the end except the dragon spotted me and decided to prep to attack. I rode it. It breathed fire on everyone else. I defeated it. Got a large dragon scale for my troubles. Now I really needed a forge – both for armour repairs and to work on this dragon scale. May need one of them enchanters to tell me what can be done with the scale. Pretty sure dragons are magical.

The ‘merry men’ are led by some guy called Robin Hood. Seems to be a guide but can’t lead us to the next town. Kept making delays. Met the queen. She’s okay I guess. Apparently she isn’t dead, and says she’s different from the others in her family and the advisors are to blame. I think something’s up though. Will need to keep and eye on this ‘Robin Hood’ and the Queen.

Apparently she’s so important that she needs to ride a horse. Through an open area. With possible assassins. Its like she wants to get killed or something. I said to use a decoy. Apparently the idea was deemed wise. And they call me an idiot.

Decoy was a decent girl, and did her job. The projectiles were enchanted coins. Pretty impressive. And so we ran back into the forest and opted to take the long way around… for more delays.


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